New Video!!!! Also I have hella feelings!!!

Hey all my babes!

I’m at it again. Making sad songs and singing them and recording them and sharing them and crossing
my fingers and toes and eyes that you’ll like them. Just kidding about my eyes. I have sensitive sockets.

This is a video of me singing ‘Sarasvati’ off the “Welcome to the Age of My Body” EP that I released a couple weeks ago. I wrote this song when I was 19, and it was close to the time I attempted suicide. I was in a very dark place.
For a long time, I think I had an obsession with the glory of my own death. I wrote this as sort of a love song to death that also contains the sentiment of being sickly co-dependent within a relationship– in a way that you would allow yourself to totally self-destruct for another person. I don’t recommend listening to this for light background music with your mee-maw, but maybe if your grandmother is hard of hearing and likes a lot of chord changes, then go nuts for cowboy butts and take it to grams and gramps house for an after-pie listening party! Truthfully, my hope is that rather than seeing this as a sad song, you might see it as an exploration of vulnerability.

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I will now be known as ‘Scruffles’. Thank you.

I was hesitant to put this song on the EP simply because it is so dark, and I never want to “bum anyone out”. I’M A BLAST! I’m like a kitten playing with yarn in a basket you guys!

But part of being a vulnerable artist/babely babe means that I believe in equally sharing both my joys and my darkness with you.
It’s important to me that my audience understands that my story involves sadness. I think it’s okay to be honest with ourselves and say “Yes. I have thought about suicide. I have been in a dark place.” You’re not crazy for it, you know? None of us are. The really neat thing I learned through all of this is that my capacity for joy and love has exponentially grown since I wrote this song, and I think partially it’s because of the openness itself. It should also be said, IT’S SUPER AWESOME IF YOU’VE NEVER HAD SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. I think that’s incredible, and I give you metaphysical hugs and release red balloons in your honor! And I also kiss a baby’s forehead!

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Buddy the Elf is my spirit animal.

I’ve got so many neat things coming up that I’m busting at the seams to tell you about (EXAMPLE: WORKING ON MY FIRST FULL-LENGTH ALBUM MAYBE), but I’ve been studying the element of surprise from winding up jack-in-the-boxes, and judging by my heart rate, I’m almost positive you’ll love what’s coming especially without anymore hints.

I love all of you. So much. You who are hurting or healing or celebrating or having great sex or making a pizza or trying to remember to love yourself or feeling alone or maybe feeling nothing at all: YOU ARE SO LOVED OVER HERE. I’m high-fiving all of you for having such a divine human experience, whether it feels shitty right now or not. I implore you to be present in your grief and be just as present in your joy.

xoxoxo
M

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19 Responses to New Video!!!! Also I have hella feelings!!!

  1. writegirl24 says:

    I listened to you 1mike1take song, Sarasavati (please let me have spelled it right) and my God. The emotion in your voice and on your face is unbelievable. I love artists that sing from the heart, and it’s obvious that those words have such meaning for you. I really look forward to everything you write in the future. I don’t know what else to say. You’re amazing. I found out about you because of the song Same Love, which was kind of my anthem for several months, and I just love your music so far. You’re an incredible person and such an inspiration for me. Thank you.
    I’ve been in some tough times, depression, cutting, anorexia and yeah, it’s not fun. You have such a wonderful voice, and I’m so glad you overcame what you did. I am out of words to say how much I love your music and how it’s so meaningful and not just ‘let’s get drunk and high and have unprotected sex’ like a lot of pop songs are. Thank you for being you.

  2. Tina guizzetti says:

    Wow that was gorgeous.

  3. K. says:

    I’ve written and erased and written and erased trying to find the right words to describe how..this song, these words sort of express the words I can’t seem to find to describe how I am feeling (struggling) at this time in my life. I couldn’t admit that to anyone in my life right now, sometimes I wonder if suffering in silence is just the best option for me. I could write a million things but I don’t want to be Debbie downer – I needed this song right now. I get it, it reminds me that even if I am hiding the sadness, that I’m not the only one who has ever felt this way. (I have a million things in my life to be thankful for and I totally am – I am so incredibly thankful and incredibly blessed). Thank you for being brave enough to say the things I can’t. We have been through the same shit, girlfriend. Christian-ish (I fully believe, but I hate that title!), childhood..was fucked, fat (and happy, yo!), Queer, Vancouver girl, grew up in the rain. I know this craziness in my head will pass, as it always has before. I didn’t need therapy, I just needed this fucking song!!

  4. Donna says:

    I think your openness is empowering, inspiring and beautiful. Life is an experience, art is the expression!

  5. Nothing wrong with “bumming someone out”. Americans are so afraid to do this which is what results in becoming so sad that you consider suicide. Pretending to be happy all the time is hard work and makes it impossible to make deep connections with people, to have real friendships, to have real relationships. As an observer of the culture in this country it seems to me that while everyone pretends to be happy no one is because no one has any real friends any more. Just people they sometimes talk to about nothing (small talk), get drunk with, maybe sleep with if they’re lucky. That’s a terribly sad way to go through life.

  6. Deb says:

    Mary, YOU are a gift to the world, not since Cris Williamson has a woman’s voice, music and awesome insightful self, I admire about you, given the music industry such a human view of how humans truly are all the same and deserve the same rights and that love is a pure thing in this world, a natural ability we are all born with and that WHO we fall in love with is never a choice, it is about WHO we are and who we were born to love, and if this were not truth, straight people then have been the biggest fools in this world and do not honestly KNOW what love is and their small minds only equate it to “sex”. Mary, there are many teens in this world as you know struggling against the “religious” views they are raised with and the fact they were born gay, you are a new, strong, womanly influence on many young teens today struggling, can you please write a song to give them strength, show them suicide is not the way out, and acceptance must come first from within themselves? Write what UNCONDITIONAL love means even to those who will say “its only puppy love or experimentation” when those born gay know it is not. Thank you with admiration, from a straight mom, with a gay daughter aged 16.

    • Deb says:

      Just an afterthought, maybe your next album could be “Welcome to the mind of my age”, so many young women need your insight, and music is what captures their hearts and souls. I am so tired of hearing people say that “when you are older” you will see you really aren’t gay, you are not mature enough to decide your life, etc, etc, so many things said to those who know they are born gay. Just wishing you all the best, thank you for letting me reach out with my thoughts and YOU ARE AWESOME and GORGEOUS inside and out.

  7. nsweg says:

    When I heard this song the other day, I took a moment to realize that I was not breathing. You are an inspiration. “Sarasvati” is beautiful, and you are so talented. It would mean a lot if I could get in-touch with you. I am only in high school, and I just would like to maybe talk with you about how much your songs mean to me.

    I respect your art. Keep going forward. This blog just reminds me how much love there is in the world.

  8. Elisabeth says:

    Beautiful job at the Grammy’s last night. I loved your dress too!

  9. Liz D says:

    Your performance on the Grammys last night was Un. Be. Freakin. Leivable. For real. Oh, those other people were pretty great, too, but your voice is…liquid sunshine.
    So, we’re in Maine, but let’s face it, NO ONE comes to Maine, so I have the most amazing of venues for you to consider: Tupelo Music Hall in Londonderry, NH. The sound is amazing, the venue is personal and unassuming, the microbrew beer in the basement is, well, just a delicious added bonus. You can check it here: http://www.tupelohall.com/ Pleasepleaseplease consider hookin’ 2 sisters up and coming up East? I can promise we’ll be front and center! Love, Liz+Louise, Soulmates for 18 years <3<3<3

  10. Rebecca-Rain says:

    I gues I’m probably starting this wrong but my question is do you actually read these?? But regardless of that I’ve been needing to get this out since the first time i have ever heard your voice it touched something beautiful inside my soul. I dont know yo i dont know if i can actually put it into words. Your voice is soooo beautiful and you use such a thing of beauty to spread a message that can touch everyone in some kind of way . Your woman is very lucky i wish i could hear you sing. WOW

  11. Listening to you creates speechlessness in my entire being. We so often compare so and so to this artist or that artist. I cannot do that when I listen to you. The voice as instrument Miss Mary is ethereal, the river Styx, and infinite. Thank you for holding the line.

  12. Melissa says:

    I went to your performance at CWU on the 17th and want to thank you for singing a message that is so important. I’m a mental health counselor at CWU and I know that your voice will help many people find their way through those dark nights. You share your vulnerability and fear and also the hope. All wrapped up in a beautiful package that is personable, witty, silly, irreverent yet respectful, and genuine (and yes, your jokes are funny too!). Thank you for a magnificent performance and I wish you many happy adventures!

  13. Lila Durán says:

    I am so ridiculously happy I started following this blog like, a week ago. No regrets, at all. I feel so loved over here.

  14. Am I reading into things too much by taking your use of bold as a hint toward a full length album name? “You Are So Loved Over Here” has a nice ring to it! Regardless, excited for it and love the track as always

  15. Pingback: Miss Casey Carter » Archive » VIDEO: Mary Lambert “Sarasvati”

  16. ali says:

    Your thought processes are just so real and lovely and beautifully aloof. You are such a beauty x

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