LONDON! And the GRAMMYS! Not Grandmas! But old ladies are cool too!

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This is actually a cake that I take with me everywhere.

Woah babes. I have so much on my mind. And I haven’t talked to my therapist in a hot minute, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.

First things first- I’m in LONDON! This place is so cool. I’ve had fish and chips, Indian food, went shopping, gotten freaked out by cars going the wrong way, sang a lot of songs, caught myself speaking with an accent in my head, took a bus tour, walked in the rain, saw a guy pee outside, ate really really really good sourdough toast, been homesick, and recorded a REALLY COOL new song. I have yet to watch a single episode of AbFab. Is that sacrilegious?

I’m recording here, working with Eg White (see what he did there?), and we’re making SUCH COOL MUSIC. In LA, I’m working with Benny Cassette (WHO MAKES REALLY COOL DRUM SOUNDS AMONG OTHER THINGS), and Eric Rosse (AHHHH Sara Bareilles, Tori Amos) who is producing my record as a whole. I’ve also been co-writing with these fine gentleman. Basically, the album is sounding incredible, and I can’t wait to share it with you all.

I’ve been experimenting with different kinds of sounds: somewhere between spoken word and song. Something still raw, but not as mellow as “Letters Don’t Talk”. I’m doing a lot of vocal layers and playing with lyrics a lot more. Every day I get more excited about the record.

ALSO ALSO ALSO ALSO!!!! We’re shooting a video for Body Love. YAY!!!!!!!!!

I'm still waiting for an endorsement.

I’m still waiting for an endorsement.

And, not sure if you saw it BUT I PERFORMED AT THE GRAMMYS. YEAH MY BOOS, WE PERFORMED A GAY RIGHTS SONG AT THE GRAMMYS.

And then PEOPLE GOT MARRIED BY QUEEN LATIFAH AND THEN MADONNA and a BEAUTIFUL CHOIR SANG MY LYRICS. AND I WAS SPARKLY and joyous and had an incredible time. You guys, I literally cried for 10 hours straight the day before show. I couldn’t even get through the damn rehearsal, and then Madonna, in all her cutoff-leather-gloved-glory stands there and wipes my tears. I remember standing there in rehearsal thinking,

“How is this real life? In what universe does this happen? Like, for real, for real. Hi, I’m Mary, I was bartending last year, usually sweaty from lifting beer kegs and now Madonna’s hands are lovingly on my face while we rehearse for the Grammys. Cool. ” This performance was a big fucking deal, and it was one of the most monumental days in my entire life. I still find myself shaking my head in disbelief.

WANT TO KNOW WHO MADE MY DRESSES AND HOW FAB THEY ARE?! I know. I know you do, you adorable kittens.

I'm getting rull good at taking pitchers        I honestly never mean to put my hand to my chest like an old lady, but I'm just moved by emotion and the only thing that makes sense is saying the pledge of allegiance, apparently

TA-DAAAAAAH: Helen Castillo. Helen and I collaborated on these two dresses together and then she worked tirelessly for weeks, meticulously hand picking off the beads at the seams of the red dress so she could stitch them, flew out to meet me for fittings and alterations, and was there with me the whole day of the Grammys. SHE IS THE GREATEST.

My make-up and hair was stunning (RIGHT?!?!) and was done by Kaija Towner.

Also! My pretty shoes were hand painted by Hourglass Footwear. These ladies kick so much ass. All of their shoes are unreal. They will paint anything you want on a shoe!

shoes2

shoeIt’s a little different than the time you drew “Go to hell, Bush” on your converse in ninth grade and your mom got really mad at you, but the same general idea.

YAY SHOES! THANK YOU HOURGLASS FOOTWEAR!!!

DID ANYONE ELSE SEE CAMP WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER AND TOTALLY LOVE HER AS FRITZY?!?!?! Yep, just me, cool. Totally cool.

After the Grammys, my parents kicked it with Skrillex and Katy Perry, I embraced Natasha Beddingfield in a warm hug ofsparkles, and only had one super minor panic attack (YEAH! TOTALLY KILLED IT THIS YEAR! SCREW YOU MENTAL ILLNESS!). I was also able to cut a rug with my brilliant, beautiful, inspiring girlfriend, Michelle (truly, anyone that knows her, knows that it is a privilege to merely be in her presence. OR DANCE WITH HER). We grooved with Anna Kendrick and ate treats and when I told my parents that I was exhausted and it was time to go, my mom looked at me like the way I used to look at her when she said we had to leave the McDonald’s Play Place (specifically the ball pit) and it felt like the end of the universe.

Grandma, it's time to leave. Finish your chicken nuggets.

MY PARENTS HAD SO MUCH FUN. WE HAD FUN TOO.I’m reading back over this, and I’m starting to feel like one of those schmucky gross industry people that one-ups everyone and talks about how he “discovered Fergie” and makes you feel bad about yourself while he cleans his teeth with a toothpick and mentions how great caviar actually is. I don’t feel like that. I do feel like I had a once-in-a-lifetime, totally cinderella-y, surreal day, and tried very desperately to take every bit in. I hope that translates.

Over that week, I did a TON of press and in addition to answering questions about the Grammys, I was also asked about things I’m not sure I was prepared to talk about on major TV:
(1) being raped when I was 17 (2) my new relationship and (3) my mom’s sexual orientation and history
I felt a little uncomfortable but okay at the time, especially since I’m trying to live my life (public and private) as vulnerable and as honest as possible.

I try to do this even with media and gossip shows, because I think at the heart of all of these shows and celebrity gossip news are real people with a variety of motivations for asking things, and at home,

This paragraph is just pretty dense and serious, so I wanted to remind you that this is a thing that happened

This paragraph is just pretty dense and serious, so I wanted to remind you that this exists

there are real people watching and thinking and drawing their own epiphanies from a conversation you’re having with a host. I have an opportunity to have an influence for 10 minutes on national television so why wouldn’t I speak candidly about my rape, especially if I believe so strongly in vulnerable honesty?

I think I’m now learning that it’s possible for me to lose ownership of my own experiences through media. It’s a thought that never occurred to me before. After one interview in particular, I spent the day tied up in knots; feeling like I gave up something I didn’t want to give. And with an exchange like that (through no fault of the interviewer), there is no reclamation that exists. And that’s okay; it just means I have more tools for next time and that my gauge for comfortability and safety has been calibrated.

In the school of life, everyone still hates the cafeteria. You can eat in the library like I did.

In the school of life, everyone still hates the cafeteria. But you can totally eat in the library like I did.

The totally awesome thing is that I feel SO SUPPORTED AND LOVED by everyone around me! Including you, you beautiful reader, reading this with your beautiful eyes!
The other awesome thing is that, HOLY FUCK I have so much to learn. I’ve been reminded of my own fallibility and this past year of lessons has been really humbling.

Thanks for your incredibly beautiful energy and support, Lambies, babes, and Lambie-babes.

I hope you’re HAVING THE BEST WEEKEND EVER!!!!

xoxo
M

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24 Responses to LONDON! And the GRAMMYS! Not Grandmas! But old ladies are cool too!

  1. Tilla RIanne says:

    I cry each time I hear you sing. You have one of those voices that shivers down to the core of my soulless body;) Beyond the voice, the messages you share are powerful; not just for the chubby girl, or the abused girl, or the gay girl, but for every human being on this planet. I hope my 10, 14, and 16 year old daughters do not struggle with some of the same struggles you and I have, but if they ever should, I hope they face them with your strength and kick-ass attitude. I hope my 20 year old son and my 3 beautiful girls always find respect and love with their friends, family and lovers…and I hope they hold their heads high and walk away when respect and love are absent. Continued success to you.

  2. Stephany says:

    You are so incredible. I have that feeling that we would be great friends if we ever met which is pretty cool to feel about someone I’ve never met. I’m from the Seattle area as well, so you’ve got an extra-special place in my heart because of that too. I appreciate so much your authenticity and vulnerability and your tears and your humility. AND I am not a crier (really I’m not, sometimes I wish I could cry and I just can’t) BUT when I first heard “She keeps me warm” I cried… and then I listened to the song for days on repeat and every. time. I. would. cry. When I could finally listen to it without crying, I felt like something in me had finally healed and I could move on. So thank you for that. Keep being amazing. I look forward to seeing you perform live in person someday soon.

  3. Monica says:

    Hi Mary,
    I think you are absolutely gorgeous! ♡
    I first heard of you from the chorus of “Same Love” , which is a great song that I love so much.
    I looked you up after hearing this song and found “She Keeps Me Warm” , your song which touched me deeply. I did not see you on the Grammy’s unfortunately! I am a 61 year young OUT gay woman. I don’t really care for labels, however, I am now and have always been a woman who LOVES women! ♡ It is the way I am now and have always been, and I am proud to be the woman and lesbian I am today! It has not always been easy, you help young lesions that search for their identities today in away that woman’s music did for me when I was coming out in my life. To this day it is still one of my music’s of choice.
    You are a beautiful woman inside and out, you are real, confident, strong and brave. I am so proud of who you are and what you show to all of us in this community. Thanks to the Moms’ for raising such a remarkable woman! ;-) I just saw the 2013 video of “She Keeps Me Warm” in the coffee shop and it really touched me. The eye contact, the playfulness and sweetness of this video gave me the goosebumps and all I could think was how great it would be to feel that in my life again! I still have some time and this could happen, but what I want to say is “Thank you” for reminding me of what it is like to feel things that I have not felt for quite some time. I have been finding myself for nearly three years, after leaving a 27 year relationship and one of the major things I learned from it is what I DON’T WANT in any future relatioships! ;-)
    Thanks you for being who you are, for sharing your wonderful talents with us and for being the beautiful woman that you are!
    My best wishes for you and your life.
    I will look forward to your new CD, and also to the day when “She will keep me warm.” ;-)
    With much love and respect…♡ Moni

  4. Cynthia says:

    Hey, Gorgeous Girl! I saw you (for the first time) on the Grammys and was BLOWN AWAY!!! Downloaded “She Keeps Me Warm” immediately and have listened to it a zillion times since, ’cause it’s just so beautiful! I often realize I’m singing it and don’t even know it – which is particularly great since I’m a 52-year-old straight woman in Mormon-ville Arizona! Do I ever get looks… too funny!
    I wish you success, and peace, and joy, and love. Thanks for sharing your gift!

  5. Just read this post and i know that feeling of giving something to the media that you werent comfortable with, leaves you with a feeling of being violated. Be sure to be honest with yourself, if you are not comfortable take a step back and choose what to do next. You have given so much of yourself already, dont exhaust yourself or break your own boundaries you have in place to keep you safe just for us. Look after yourself, you are doing amazing work and you make me smile xxx

  6. Fernanda says:

    Mary,
    I’m from Chile, but I watch your performance in the Grammy’s and I just read this post.
    I truly think you are awesome, such a simplicity and honesty can be read on what you wrote… I just love that you can be so open to your feeling.
    I really wish you the best of lucks and I hope one day I can feel something similar you felt in that stage.
    I’ll be following your steps sweetie! Take care.

    One learner of life and music.

  7. Debby says:

    Hi Mary – I am an older fan (48) – I always loved the chorus to “Same Love” and did not know who the woman behind the beautiful voice was until I watched you on the Grammy’s. You blew me away! I am so happy for your continued success and as Tara O (above) has stated “Being famous doesn’t take away your right to a private life, regardless of what the media asks of you.” Share what you feel comfortable sharing with the world and your fans. Thank you for being you and I look forward to hearing more of your beautiful music!!

  8. Wellesleygurl_zt says:

    YAY Mary! So happy to hear all the cool and amazing things you are doing! You are amazing and an inspiration. I’ve followed you on this blog for a while now, and I’m sure so many other fans have, too. We like to hear that you are doing great, for you have worked so hard to get to where you are, and you deserve to enjoy that experience. Thank you for reminding the world that hard work, dedication, and good intent pay off in the end. Hugs and Love! Also, I heard your single on the radio the other day, AND IT MADE ME SO HAPPY!

  9. Sher says:

    Just wanted to say that I think you blew Madonna right out of the water at the Grammy’s. That is all. ;)

  10. tarlovlife says:

    Can I get a wow!! You my dear are amazing!! Yes! You, Ms. Mary!
    I watched you on the Grammys. Totally killed it!
    Watched the newest vid. Again. Killed it.

    I love how you have decided to be true to yourself. Being out there and completely vulnerable! That in itself takes a lot of guts, and girl you have it!

    No, you don’t know me, and we have never met. But I am do damn proud of you.
    Hugs,
    Cyndi

    Feel free to write me if you want too :)

  11. LisforMe says:

    How is it that it’s taken the media moguls this long to find somebody like you to give voice to so many people who haven’t been seen for years? I wish there was more of you online that I could sink my teeth into. Thank you for doing what you do. I want to make a difference like what you’re doing. I decided to write a book in order to do that because a google search for gay or lesbian often does not bring beautiful lyrics and stories of coming out, it populates hetro focused porn and pray the gay away “support groups”. I’m not crying on Sundays anymore either. Have a happy Wednesday.

  12. Ani M says:

    You are an absolute goddess-send! Your words, your voice, your realness. The way you live your life with such openness and vulnerability. It is refreshing to have your face and spirit and music on the scene. Thank you x 1,000,000 for all you do! Keep on keepin’ on!

  13. Pingback: Mary at The Grammy’s | Hourglass Footwear

  14. You are in fucking credible. Everything about you. Every word you write makes me feel better. It has power over me and the kind of power over me that I want to be powered over. I love you, Mary, and all that you do for girls and people like me. Thank you for everything.

  15. Reblogged this on FilmmakerDonna and commented:
    Nice update from Mary Lambert on the monumental Grammys 2014 show, her trip to London and her recordings for her upcoming album.. #thumbsup

  16. jamieg3 says:

    Reblogged this on justjamie and commented:
    If only we all could live our lives like Mary Lambert. Her stories here about London and the Grammys are truly wonderful, but what makes them real and inspiring to me is Mary’s humility and ability to see the glass half full, whether she was performing at the Grammys or was working as a bartender. Her perseverence motivates me to focus and keep trekking on. Remember this: “Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.” ~Charlie Jones~

  17. Sarah says:

    I really enjoyed reading this blog. It was a big f-ing deal! You were a part of history! Something you should be extremely proud of. I am glad you mentioned the interviews. I felt uncomfortable for you talking about such personal things on one hand, but also thought you were incredibly brave. And your words will help others that have gone through similar experiences. God Bless you on your journey. I am really looking forward to hearing the album! Safe travels!

  18. travellingpoetsunion says:

    Keep trusting your Heart Mary!

  19. Tara o says:

    As a fan I’d like to say that I really love how you put yourself out there. Despite your sudden success you don’t feel unreachable. Soak it up and take advantage of the travel while you are in the moment girl! This is stuff you will never forget! And remember, you can say no without explaining why. Your life and your past are yours to share as much or as little as you want. Being famous doesn’t take away your right to a private life, regardless of what the media asks of you.

    So glad to share your music and so grateful for it! Stay safe in your adventures!

  20. K.Ad says:

    Mary, never feel guilty for your success, your excitement, your realness. Your fans are sitting back and smiling because it genuinely makes us feel good to see you on TV, to hear you on the radio, to watch you succeed and to mingle with musics greatest. You are a voice for queer, fat, (and sometimes Christian) girls all over the world. You speak the realness so many of us don’t have the courage to be straightforward about. Society needs you, the industry needs you. Plus, every dyke on the planet now has a huge crush on you! You and Michelle are adorable, pretty sure we need a duet soon. Just saying!! From one queer fabulous fat girl to another, keep doing what you are doing, you inspire so many <3

  21. luv this! totally look forward to your blog always & u r so brave ! London is the bomb! mind the gap!

  22. iigillz says:

    You’re kinda (psh– You are) my favorite artist. Know why? Because you’re you and I can confidently say that from watching interviews, social media updates and reading this blog. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t be posting if I knew you didn’t care.
    So, Don’t change. Ever. Like, legit.

  23. Paula Best says:

    mary.you are wonderful and talented and amazing. you certainly deserve all good things that come your way! take care, paula best

    http://www.paulabest.com

  24. Soleil Lambert says:

    We love you, Sweetie!!! If you need us, we are right here.

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