Meet My Sexy Ass Band

The BAND! My band is the absolute best. My whole team is the absolute best.
But I don’t think you know for real real how incredible my band is. They are ridiculously talented, kind, and a complete riot to hang out with. It should be noted that they are also total babes, and should totally do a Macy’s Christmas commercial or something.

EEEEEEE

EEEEEEE

CUTIE PATOOTIES

CUTIE PATOOTIES

I’ll be touring for the bulk of this year. SO MANY SHOWS MY GOD SO MANY SHOWS.
And you’ll see these virtuoso musicians/friends/soulmates with me along the way. Buy them beer. And buy me a hot dog. And a whiskey. And a puppy.

 

This is Heather.

SHE SINGS AND PLAYS BECAUSE SHE IS A GODDESS

AHHHH HEATHER STAHP YOU’RE THE COOLEST

When I grow up, I want to be Heather Thomas. She is a fucking beast of a drummer. She’s the newest of the team, but it feels like she’s been with the crew forever. We’ve been playing shows together for about 6 months, and she is one of the funnest people to hang out with, play music with, and talk serious shit with. On tour, we call her Lone Wolf Thomas. You can too. I’ve learned so much from Heather in such a short amount of time. She is one of those people that puts things in such a wise perspective that you’re like “UGH Heather, why do you have to make me think about compassion and empathy for other people, I just wanted to run them over with my car for laughing and walking slow,” but then you’re also super grateful because she for real for real shifted your consciousness with one sentence. I can’t wait to spend more time playing music with her and learning more lessons about humanity. Heather is also a skateboarder, lead singer of her own band, hackey sack enthusiast, and former tap dancer (SHE DID A SET ONCE WHERE SHE PLAYED THE KIT AND THEN TAP DANCED BECAUSE SHE CAN DO ANYTHING BECAUSE SHE IS A GODDESS AMEN). Heather is an institution, and I can’t wait for her to take over the world.

This is Maiah.

Oh did I mention Maiah is also a professional model as well?

TALENT AND BRIANS AND HILARITY AND SHE IS ALSO A MODEL DID I SAY ‘BRIANS’ THAT IS ABSOLUTELY INCORRECT

Maiah Manser and I met in college at Cornish College of the Arts. I was instantly blown away by her songwriting and her unbelievable vocals. She is one of the kindest, most talented human beings that has ever come into my life, and she is a rare treasure to anyone that knows her. Maiah never ceases to amaze me with her insane vocals and emotional connection to her writing and voice. Maiah inspires me to be a better musician and human being. One of my favorite videos of all time is her owning the shit out of her loop system. On top of being a master of her craft, Maiah can multi-task like no other. I asked her to sing back-up. Then I asked her to play synth. Then I asked her to play bass. Then I asked her to do them all at the same time. And she nails it every fucking time. On tour, Maiah’s nickname is (sorry Maiah) Wormhole. This is due to her third eye actual psychic abilities. You may not call her that. She is one of my favorite people to tell secrets to and I feel like we’ve been friends for millions of years in so many lives. Maiah just released her first single, “Hold Your Head Up” which completely slays. She has a show (with TIM) on Sept 6th in Seattle and if you live in Seattle and don’t go, you better be having a colonoscopy or getting married or something terribly important/awful.

This is Tim.

TIM I'M GOING TO PINCH YOUR CHEEKS ALL THE TIME

TIM I’M GOING TO PINCH YOUR CHEEKS ALL THE TIME

Tim is my very best friend. We met working at a restaurant in Seattle where I farted on him and we crushed on cute girls together and got drunk and cried way too often.
Tim plays every instrument you can think of. And not just half-assed. He is one of the most brilliant guitarists/bassists I’ve ever met; a true master of his craft. I sent Tim the new album (which I wrote without the band in Los Angeles) two weeks ago, and said, “Hey can you learn all of these songs in two days/program all the sounds/help design playing to track/teach me how to play them/play three instruments at once? IS THAT COOL TIM?” And Tim said, “fuck yes I will, Mary, because I’m a damn boss.” AND HE DID. Like the rest of the band, Tim’s solo writing is phenomenal. The sounds he makes with his guitar literally move me to tears.
Tim’s nickname varies. The rest of the band calls Tim, “TimTitty” I have a hard time getting those words out of my mouth, so often I just call him “Asshole” because every day is opposite day. You may not call him either of those names, though he would insist you can call him whatever you like and then give you a hug and ask you what your birthday is. He is the brooding lead singer of his band, Dark Hip Falls, a band that has been the movie music for my 5-margarita-kind-of-nights. The Summer I turned 19, Tim came to my apartment and stayed with me through the night when I wanted to kill myself. Now we get to play music together all the time. And I still fart on him.

 

Can’t wait for you guys to meet the rest of the crew! See you on the road!

 

xoxo
M

 

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THE WEEK OF OMG

Hey my pretty little angel muffins. Last week was a cray zay week. Let me recap:

B.o.B dropped a serious rhyme on “Secrets” AND IT’S SO GREAT HAVE YOU PLAYED IT FOR YOUR MOM OR YOUR WEIRD COUSIN YET? They will probably both like it. Incidentally, I am usually the weird cousin.

I was actually really hesitant to have a rap feature on this song, but B.o.B put such an incredible verse down, and it complimented the song in a way that I never expected. THANK YOU B.o.B YOU ARE SO BOSS.

Listen to it here:

Mary_Secrets_BoB_5x5_RGB

Stream on Spotify or YouTube

Also also also!

  Screen Shot 2014-08-22 at 12.03.41 PM

I released the lyric video for “When You Sleep” !! It is one of my favorite videos I’ve ever made. Huge props to Samantha Soo for bringing the song to life.  ISNT SHE AMAZING?! I met Sam on MySpace when I was 15. Embarrassing.

Another fun thing this week: I made a neat playlist! I also made myself toast! And I cut an apple up! All by myself!

Unrelated to anything: I’ve been watching HGTV nonstop. Related to something: Instead of installing a kitchen backsplash or tearing down walls for an open concept living space for you, I made you a Spotify playlist of all the songs that influenced the making of Heart on My Sleeve. I’ll be adding new tracks every week, so you can subscribe if you want to, boo boos. You may even hear some more nuggets from the album. And no not chicken nuggets, ear candy nuggets. That kind of sounds like a terrifying jelly bean flavor. Gross.

Another ‘nother thing: THE FIRST ROUND OF SECRET POSTCARDS HAVE GONE OUT AND THEY ARE SO AMAZING YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST. When you get yours in the mail, I want to see it. Take a pic with the secret you receive, share on your favorite social meeds (Twitter, Instagram, Vine or Facebook), and tag it with #MarySecrets. Your pretty face will appear on my super secret wall of secrets that’s actually not super secret. Secrets secrets secrets.

OH AND THIS HAPPENED.

Screen Shot 2014-08-22 at 5.02.42 PM

HI HARRY STYLES YOU HAVE PRETTY HAIR AND I’M GLAD WE SHARE SIMILAR FEARS MAYBE WE SHOULD GO ON FEAR FACTOR TOGETHER

xoxo,
M

P.S. You can still pre-order my album, “Heart on My Sleeve” here!

P.S.S. SHAZAM! Tag “Secrets” everyday on the app and you’ll get a new secret video from me. You can watch the first secret on YouTube here.

PSSSSSSS I think you’re all cute.

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WARNING: Don’t eat granola while pre-ordering my album. It can be dangerous.

Hello pretty babies.

(I’m going to do my best to remain collected because I feel like I yell at you in excitement on the regular but…)

YAAAAASSSS, YOU GUYS. YOU CAN PRE-ORDER MY ALBUM AND I ALMOST CHOKED ON GRANOLA.  You can get “Secrets” AND “When You Sleep” instantly when you pre-order! Holy smokes.mary_14_A

When I think about you being able to hear these tracks I’m instantly like:  OH I FEEL LIKE UNICORNS
lisa-frank

Thank you so much for all the love, feels, and support. You guys are seriously the best.

xoxo,
M

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The “Secrets” music video is HERE!!!!! AND my face is in it this time.

Ok, remember way back when I promised that the lyric video was only a placeholder for the really amazingly glorious music video we shot for “Secrets”?! Well, in all its Viking-helmet-wearing, confetti-blasting, and tiny-kid dancing glory, the video for “Secrets” is HERE!!

I’M SO EXCITED!!!! WATCH BELOW!!!!

mary video

I know, it’s amazing (kudos to the actress who plays my therapist…).

But now I want to get serious(ish) dudes and dudettes. For those of you who just tuned in, I have a neat postcard secret exchange happening! It’s kind of like a therapeutic Post Secret chain letter. Have you shared a secret with my #MarySecrets campaign? Click here to anonymously share something with me AND someone else. You never know who you could inspire or affect by just one little truth. My wish is that the freeing effect occurs not only with the receiver, but also the writer.

I still have a few super cool limited-edition copies of Heart on My Sleeve that I’m signing just for you. Have you pre-ordered yours yet? Speaking of pre-order…. HEART ON MY SLEEVE OFFICIALLY GOES UP FOR PRESALE ON ITUNES TUESDAY!!!!! That means we’re getting closer to the album release. OMG I can’t wait for you guys to hear it. Seriously.

That is all.

xoxo,
M

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The wait is over babes.

“SECRETS” IS AVAILABLE ON ITUNES,  AMAZON, and GOOGLE PLAY!!! Eeeeeeeee!!!

You can get it now and scream with me in excitement because I’m perpetually four years old at Christmas (that was the year I got “Little Mermaid.” A very pivotal year for me) and I like sharing things with you, cuties.

Single Cover Mailerxoxo,
M

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I want to hear your SECRETS!

Now that I’ve divulged all my secrets to you in an adorable polka dot video with manicured nails, I want to hear YOURS!!!! Part of this song, though it’s super fun, surrounds the belief that sharing vulnerable parts of ourselves with other people can be really freeing. When we share our secrets with each other (secrets often meaning aspects of ourselves that are shrouded in guilt and shame), we’ll be one step closer to a more beautiful and fulfilled society.

That said, I LOVE TELLING SECRETS. I LOVE LETTERS. I love postcards. I love stamps. I love cat stickers.

I bet some of you do too, which is why I thought:

Wouldn’t it be neat if we all sent each other postcards of our secrets??

Click here to get in on the secret-postcard-fun!  Share your secrets and get an anonymous secret snail-mailed from someone else. I want us all to know that we can share who we are and what we are with everyone and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.

Check out the postcards that you can choose from:

unnamed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xoxo,
M

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OMG YOU GUYS. I CAN’T. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START.

There are so many amazing things happening I can barely contain myself. I’m like a kid with ten rolls of bubble tape and very little self-control (what’s good 90’s reference)!

My new single “Secrets” has officially hit the radio!

To the lucky angel baby pies who have heard it already, it means the world to me that you are saying such nice stuff about it. I’m so proud of this song, and I’m SO excited you like it! If you haven’t heard it on your radio station yet, CALL, TWEET OR SEND A CARRIER PIGEON TO REQUEST. We’re getting an easy bake oven for the bus. I will attempt to send each of you cupcakes.

The official music video for “Secrets” where I rock a viking helmet and party hard with confetti is on it’s way, but to tide you over, here’s a super cute lyric video that’s got polka dots and fun animations and a magic notebook.

lyricvidimage

CLICK HERE TO WATCH!

(Also, don’t worry pretty babes, the song will be available on iTunes soon)

ALSO ALSO! My FIRST full-length record, Heart on My Sleeve, is going to come out in the next couple months (ISN’T THAT AN ACCURATE TITLE FOR ME AS A HUMAN BEING?!? The alternate title was: Crying Ball of Feelings and Magic, but the pitch didn’t go well).

The greatest news ever is that I’m signing a buttload of limited edition CDs and vinyls and you can pre-order it now!!!! (VINYL! I’M SO HIP!). You can pre-order one for you and your grouchy next-door neighbor who needs a good dose of feels by clicking HERE YAY

I feel all your love all the time, and I give you so many bear hugs back, babes. Let’s save the world with feelings and positive magic rays of goodness.

xoxo,
M

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New Mary Lambert Merch!! Bandannas, posters, and tees!

Yay yay yay yay! I am so excited to show off some new merch! I will ship it to you ANYWHERE IN ALL THE LAND. Here is a link to the merch store!

You can now purchase the bandanna with Body Love in my handwriting.

Girl, go ahead and ugly cry all over this shit

Girl, go ahead and ugly cry all over this shit

Or maybe you want a neat something to hang on your wall! You can pick up a ‘She Keeps Me Warm’ lyric poster!

Fancy!

Fancy!

Maybe Body Love is something that touched you! Well I want to touch you! That sounded better in my head! I meant I want you to feel soft in a comfy T-shirt. There are Body Love posters too!

And remember, the merch site is the only place you can order my collection of poetry, ‘500 tips for fat girls’. It’s kind of like ‘500 days of summer’ except it’s not. Not even close. I lied.

I WOULD NAME THESE KITTENS COLUMBUS AND LINCOLN.

I WOULD NAME THESE KITTENS COLUMBUS AND LINCOLN.

Also, HAPPY FOURTH!!
EEEEE PATRIOTIC CATS!!!

 

 

xoxox

M

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Secrets! No that’s actually the name of the song!

Hey beautiful babes,
My new single, SECRETS, is now being played on the radio!!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! I’ve been pinching myself the last couple days. Totally surreal.

Secrets is a song about being unapologetically yourself! And it’s catchy! And I’m so so proud to have made something that has a message AND is fun. After thinking I could only write music to cry to, this is an amazing step in my journey to be the best songwriter I can be.

The song will be available for download on iTunes on August 5th. I know that is far away, but it’s okay! It’ll be so worth it! And maybe we can make it to the Top 40!!!

I really hope you like it. I made it for everyone to enjoy and hopefully relate. We’re all trying to figure it out, right? So let’s dance like idiots and snort when we laugh and tell people our secrets, because life is so much more fun when you realize no one actually knows what they’re doing.

Can’t wait for you to see the super fun video that goes along with it!

 

Evidence.

Evidence.

xoxo
M

 

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We are Killing Each Other and Ourselves

[Do note: there are no fun photos of cats or 90's TV shows in this blog post. It is not because I am not fun. I am a fucking hoot and a half and I can limbo lower than your 4 year old nephew. This is just some real shit that I wanted to explore without distractions and minimal self-promotion]

Two weeks ago, I was in the studio working on my new record. I’ve decided to put a poem about rape on this record. It is graphic and a trigger warning will be needed and it is beautiful and so completely necessary. We were talking about the Nigerian girls, the UCSB shooting, and the multitude of tragedies that seem to be happening more frequently. That day I asked my friend Benny his opinion on why people were shooting each other, raping each other, and operating in disturbingly apathetic ways. I really appreciated his answer.

Benny roughly said this: Our society, in general, operates in a dog-eat-dog mentality. If you lose your job, if you can’t afford medical insurance, if you are homeless, the resources to aid are terrifyingly limited. It is a systemic problem that is hungry for real legislative solutions.
This is part of the problem.

I started realizing that because some members of our culture do not feel safe or valued by their government institutions or communities, they are looking to other avenues to find an equivalent of security in other ways. Hopefully we have awesome families or communities that provide that sense of security, safety, and value. Hopefully we are all able to foster healthy, meaningful relationships with those around us. But what if some of us don’t? What if some of us never feel safe or feel like we belong or that we aren’t worthy of love and friendship?
I’ve been thinking really critically about what it means to be in my position (quasi-celebritydom as I often refer to it). When I read of tragedies, I try to ask myself: How can I help? Is there anything I can contribute to make this situation better?

I have a couple thoughts about these questions. The first is that we are lacking legislature in the world that prevents and adequately serves justice to violence, rape, and just plain, awful crimes. Additionally, we are living in a society that doesn’t like to talk about uncomfortable things.
But what I believe to be one of the sole contributors to the pandemic is pop culture and media saturation of a certain ideal (whether you feel valued in your life or not- but if you don’t, I imagine this gap widens massively and popular culture becomes a sole means of personal calibration). I believe that we are fed an ideal that is exclusive to a certain few, and they appear as such:
WE ARE BEAUTIFUL. THIS IS YOUR STANDARD OF BEAUTY AND ALL THINGS GOOD. WE ARE FUN AND YOUNG AND SKINNY AND WHITE. WE ALWAYS LOOK FLAWLESS. WE HAVE A DISPOSABLE INCOME. WE DO NOT HAVE PANTY LINES OR ACNE. WE KNOW HOW TO PARTY AND WE HAVE FRIENDS AND BOYFRIENDS AND GIRLFRIENDS THAT ARE ALSO ALL OF THESE THINGS. WE GUYS HAVE A LOT OF SEX. WE GIRLS DON’T SLEEP AROUND BUT EVERYONE ALWAYS WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH US. WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT SERIOUS THINGS BECAUSE WE ARE HAVING TOO MUCH FUN AND YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE AMIRITE.
Often, the celebrity that is shoved down our throats, also have: A REALLY COOL TALENT INVOLVING ENTERTAINMENT WHERE WE SING ABOUT DOING AND BEING THOSE THINGS. SOME OF US ACT IN FILM AND TV AND VERY OFTEN WE PORTRAY THE AFOREMENTIONED STANDARD OF BEAUTY AND GOOD. 

Which begs to ask, what about the rest of us? And there are a lot of us. Like, 99% of us. The funny thing is- the idea of being unattainable is just that- it doesn’t actually exist. The notion of celebrity flawlessness is a total lie.
I just finished shooting the music video for my upcoming single and asked a lot of people on set about post-editing. Basically, some of your favorite music videos and singers have varying amounts of post-editing- not to fix prop issues or anything technical- but to change actual BODIES. Make stomachs smaller, add abs (YOU CAN SERIOUSLY MAKE ABS), add more butt mass, shave a chin down, make whiter.
When this- the unattainable- is the standard (Again, IS COMPUTER GENERATED PERFECTION), it’s impossible to fit in. There is little or inaccurate representation of every day bodies in pop culture, it’s almost as if we don’t exist. There is another large component in all this: As we become more disconnected to each other (often because of technology or a desire to distract), a lack of empathy settles in. These two components:  living in a society where we are alienated or invisible or not good or beautiful (and constantly reminded of it) paired with a lack of empathy causes a massive human disconnect. I believe both of these things have come to an extreme in our culture.

What are the effects of this saturation? The effect of not fitting the standard of good and beauty, is crippling. The result is the desire to not feel; No one wants to fucking feel bad all the time.  I believe it causes people to implement a myriad of debilitating coping mechanisms, some of which:
1. We cease feeling. The sadness and alienation that is caused by the unattainable is the absolute worst, so we shut off our sensory. We distract. We play with our phones. We drink to forget. We watch The Bachelor (I can’t help it. That show is everything). Feeling nothing feels so much better than feeling bad, right?
2. We punish ourselves. We throw up. We physically harm. We overeat. We live recklessly. I believe to be the most dangerous of all of these is actually mental punishment. Listening to the mean people inside our heads that say we are not worthy because that standard of beauty and goodness is something we’ll never measure up to.
3. We punish each other. Because we don’t fit the standard, then Andrea wearing a crop top when she most def is not skinny enough to pull it off and just because they are called skinny jeans doesn’t make you skinny sweetheart, shouldn’t be allowed to either.

Lastly, We re-traumatize by reinforcing the media’s messages. We talk about and listen to and watch and read about the people we will never be, the bodies that are not ours, the lives we do not live.

I’m currently on the verge of an even larger platform than I could have ever imagined. The single I wrote two months ago has caught the attention of some of the most powerful people in the music industry. These people control the industry, thus your very consumption of media. They control your radio, your TV, and what you see in stores. That is a crazy amount of power and money. There is a belief that says the execs want to control our minds and force us to consume shallow things to make us stupid. Here’s the thing: They don’t want you to not feel. That’s not their intention. They don’t want you to punish each other. And they aren’t a part of a government conspiracy to make you mindless drones.
They want to make money. And in 1999, Brittany Spears sold 10 million copies of one song: “Baby One More Time”. One of my favorites. That formula worked. And it has continued to work. And although CD’s are becoming increasingly obsolete, there is still a lot of money to be made in the record industry, and that model is tried and true. They know you are going to consume the shit out of a pop singer’s Summer party song that tells you how fun and young and sexy it is to get wasted (seriously, I hope someone makes that song, because I want to listen to it right this second). The industry says, you are consuming.
They are merely filling a demand. You may also consume a cute, plus-size femme lesbian singing about gay rights, but it’s a total gamble. Because listeners are unpredictable and will like what they like, and this is a risk-averse business, why would you fix something that isn’t broken?

It’s not to say that there aren’t exceptions and I believe wholeheartedly there are a few heroes in popular culture that feel similarly about deconstructing this as well. There are a lot of songs coming out with empowering messages, campaigns about not touching-up photos, it’s okay to be yourself songs, television writers being more inclusive, gay rights anthems (sorry I couldn’t help myself), and a whole host of other folks in pop culture shifting the dialogue simply by existing. But what if:

What if the entertainers and the industry heads didn’t spend $40,000 on post-editing a music video to make a singer’s arms or stomach look smaller, didn’t touch up photos to remove wrinkles, didn’t post photos of themselves objectifying women, didn’t write vapid songs solely about their own vanity, but instead asked us to feel. Demanded us to think. To feel valued. What if their images were more…human? Accessible? Is it possible to create pop music that is present in feeling and thoughtfulness and vulnerability without sacrificing fun elements and is catchy?
Or maybe it is the honest-to-god truth:
Do we really enjoy idolatry? Do we prefer the idea of the unattainable? Did we just feel shitty before, and the idolatry and shallow content is a symptom of distraction?

I don’t know. I like to think that we are just a little lost. I think humanity is moving and brilliant and kind and the standard of unattainable beauty and goodness is destroying us from within. There are so many lovely things to see, kind things to say, bodies to hold with our eyes, words to make us think, songs to excite us, and art to hungrily eat. Let’s create and consume them together.

 

It had to happen.

Your regularly scheduled cat enthusiast blog will resume.

 

xoxox

M

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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